“Living off the grid isn’t for everyone. But if you like trees more than people, one of these remote cabins in the woods might be the new home for you. Read fine leather-bound literature, drink bourbon, grow a beard. Build a ship in a bottle, hunt for sasquatch and write letters with a quill. Young lovers in the forest will pass by and tell stories.
You’ll become the stuff of myth, like Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars. Wide-eyed children will discover the truth of your heroic past (dragons?) and though they never speak to you directly (you are a crazy hermit after all), you can sleep sound knowing that (gosh darnit) they respect you.
When you drive five hours into town for moonshine you avoid the admiring glances from farmer’s daughters. Just because you beat a Sea Monster in a fist fight doesn’t make you special. You put on your long johns on one leg at a time, just like everybody else.
If this elaborate fantasy doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will.”